Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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