I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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