Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
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There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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