What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize