A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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