Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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