If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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