I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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