I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
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I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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