anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Did I show you my penis last night?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
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IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
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But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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