Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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