Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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