weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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