just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
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Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
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Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize