saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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