his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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