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I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
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