just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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