My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize