first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i love accidental penises.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
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what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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