please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
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we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
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You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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