??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
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Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
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no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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