it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
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I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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