I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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