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you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
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