I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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