is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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