How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
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She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
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Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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