i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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