Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
PANTIES FOUND
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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