yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
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I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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