Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
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Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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