I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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