when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize