He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Randomize