my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
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So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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