moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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