I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He has the fingertips of a God
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