I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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