hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize