Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
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Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
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I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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