I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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