Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize