Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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