And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
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I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
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She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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