I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
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she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
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He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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