Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
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don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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