Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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