when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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