Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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